Another sleepless night

Laying here wide awake, listening to god awful loud snoring, only light on is that of my tablet screen.my mind has just been racing today more each day as I realize how desperately I need to find a very well rounded,educated, compassionate, LLMD ASAP....I literally feel my body just worsening day after day and don't even know how that's even possible on days like today!! my symptoms, of severe and agonizing pain never go away but I call many of my days good days now! when they are bad, oh man....I wonder how I can do this, and how I do it mostly alone. I have minimal support,(support I do have from the few amazingly wonderful people,is always there but not into asking these days) and it's (my illness) just become such a feeling of burden in my household I just don't even talk about it much anymore.... but like I need to talk about it! ha! It always shines through each day, whether it is I can't get out of bed for days, weeks sometimes. or when I do, I am so Ill tempered and unhappy it sickens me after I realize the way I don't even hear my self speak until after. Or the way I look...some days(many) since past Thanksgiving or so, I have woke up with my face so swollen it is scary looking!! I have pictures I can share! Last July my jaw dislocated after yawning and was out of place for few hours before it got put into place not once but 3 times in the following 2 hours by 2 different ER docs, since then severe issues! I am now finding that many people with chronic Lyme have jaw issue's as well! I don't want this blog to become about me complaining as its seeming right now, but rather a place to just share without being judged, so PLEASE if your reading bear in mind I have a tendency to ramble on sometimes backed up by a very talkative outgoing personality! On that note I will say I worked up or forced the energy to make a delicious grilled dinner for my family by 9:00 tonight! : )